When can we say you are going through a high conflict divorce?
It’s when there is:
- Never-ending custody battles
- Accusations of physical abuse, sexual abuse, and/or domestic violence
- Frequent or long court actions
- Incessant, continuing aggression between adults
- Lack of proper communication regarding children and their care
- No-contact orders or restraining orders
What Exactly is High Conflict Divorce?
A high conflict divorce is considered dreadful for each party involved. It is a field of constant accusations, a deep sense of loss and/or abandonment, an intense suspicion of the ex-spouse, and feelings of betrayal. Think of it as emotional violence.
This interruption can last for years and result in large attorney bills and interminable courtroom negotiating. It seems like children become pawns during this high-stake contest.
Why Does a High Conflict Divorce Occur?
The reasons vary, from parenting styles to money to power or control.
- Parenting styles or child custody
It is not uncommon for some spouses to have different parenting styles. For instance, you may not like an early bedtime for your child, but our spouse does. When parents separate, the difference between parenting styles ignites more. If both parties are reluctant to work out a deal, the court will create a parenting plan that is solely based on the best interest of your children.
- Spousal support
Also called spousal maintenance or alimony, spousal support is granted in specific cases to a party who is financially disadvantaged concerning the other. The amount of support, if any, depends on the income difference between the couple, earning ability, assets, needs, how long they have been married, and the capability of the party to pay.
- Asset division
After children, asset division creates large problems in a high conflict divorce since there can be vital assets at risk, which include investment, real estate, money, and business interests. Both parties are entitled to half of most assets that either a partner has obtained since marriage unless there’s a legal agreement such as prenuptial. Even if that’s the case, there are still grounds that can nullify a prenuptial under specific circumstances.
And in some cases:
- Unresolved feelings
When we say unresolved feelings, it can be sadness, loneliness, betrayal, embarrassment, abandonment, freedom, safety, or others. If couples don’t deal with their stories and the associated feelings, conflicts will just continue or grow bigger.
Another thing that parents fight about in a high conflict divorce is trying to identify who the better parent is. Determining which parents awarded the greater portion of the visitation distribution is a major battling in a high conflict divorce.
- Control or power
Some have a perception that having control of everything will make you happy, or it just satisfies an innate need to be in power. Divorcing someone with a control or powe-tripping problem can lead to a lot of psychological wounding and distress.
- Dating or introducing a new significant relationship
This is one of the well-known topics among numerous divorced couples and a recurrent cause of high conflict. It might be due to a new person overstepping limitations and attempting to take over your role as a parent that causes high conflict to occur or it could be that the high conflict spouse does not want to see the other happy.
Children are the Most Affected Ones
Unfortunately, children rather than the opposing spouse tend to wind up the true victims of a high conflict divorce or parenting arrangement. More often than not, the high conflict spouse will use tha children as pawns in the claim for power over the other spouse.
Handling a High Conflict Divorce
Plenty of ways are presented to help you deal with a high conflict divorce. Getting a legal help is your best option. Not only does this reduce your contact with the high conflict spouse but it also helps you to maintain your head and know what your legal course of action is.